Plus Size Women Should Be Pissed!!

   So let's talk about it!!  When did plus size women become so desperate for acceptance ?? As some may know there is a video out by Trinidad James, Mystikal and Lil Dickey called "Just a lil thick" . Ohh, but don't get too excited, because it is a total disgrace and mocks plus size women. I'll take it a step further, it is a disrespect to women period. 

   What's even more disheartening is the fact that there are actually plus size women who see nothing wrong with the lyrics or the tone of the video. There were plus sized women walking around eating cookies, cupcakes, pies, chicken and twerking on kitchen counters as Trinidad James rapped lines such as, "And if you tell her that you love her she'll buy you a whip". I was floored, are you serious? So basically the plus size women in this video are cosigning that they have to pay for love and affection.  Not only that he says, "Anything a slim ho can do, she can do it better", why are we calling women ho's? This video was a disrespect to grandmothers, mothers, aunties and sisters all over. I'm sure these men have plus size women in their families. So if their daughters grow up and gain weight is this truly the image they want their babies to see? Do these women in the video want teenage girls suffering from low self-esteem to think this is what we as plus size women have to lower ourselves to, just to get attention, just to be seen on tv?

   This entire video summed plus size women up as over eating, freak ho's, who have to pay for affection.  Mystikal said on one of his lines, "I'm coming over later with a plate.", as if it's a trade for sex.  I am so disgusted and sadden by this whole entire message.  I wake up everyday breaking down walls,  and tearing down stereotypes that have been placed upon women. I have two fights on my hands because I am black, and I am plus size.  Now that this has happen, I have to fight ten times harder . I won't give up!!  All my plus size sisters please let them know this is not us, this is not our lives, this is not what we have to accept, and we will show the world better than we can tell the world.

   I will be discussing this more May 7th, on my radio show "Beauty, Brain's & Boldness" on www.musedigital1.tv channel 3007, every Saturday from 12pm - 2pm .

You can also check out my YouTube on this subject https://youtu.be/CGDwQX9U-QI .

Follow me on Instagram : www.instagram.com/the_real_grandebeauty/

Twitter:  @_GrandeBeauty

Nice guys always.....want to finish with ejaculation.

   So let's talk about it!! The good old "nice guys" . You know the ones who whine about being friend zoned by women . Are they really nice?? Well they sure don't seem so nice when things don't go where they planned for their niceness to take them. I really think it's a mission, yes let's call it that, "Mission Mr. Nice Guy". You know how when you wanted that toy , and played nice with mommy to be rewarded with it.

   The sad thing is these type men have played this role so long, they actually have convinced themselves that they mean well. They call women users when it doesn't develop into a romance. Mr. Nice Guy really thinks a few dates and wiping his prey's tears away, seals the deal.  Newsflash Mr. Nice Guy, a woman still has the right to decide if you are what she wants. Do you know how many nice guys we encounter on a day to day bases?? So should we give all nice guys a shot?? Oh if we did that we would be "sluts" and a "ho" then. Guess what, it takes more than you being nice for a woman to want a relationship with you. The bag boy at the local supermarket is nice too, should she give him a shot. Did it ever occur to you that there are other things less attractive about you? Yea you pay for meals, and answer her calls at two o'clock in the morning, but is your apartment clean when she comes over, is your hygiene up to her standards, are you outgoing, do you want kids, are you physically her type, can you cook? etc.

   See I have come to realize these type men think they are the only ones who can have preferences.  They can turn down the fat chick, the flat chested chick, the chick with no car or the chick with no sense of humour. While a woman's only preference should be that you treat her nice.  No sir, we have more preferences than you opening doors and taking care of the check at dinner. Then these guys show their insecurities and how much of a dick they are by trying to make women feel bad for choosing someone more attractive than they are,when men are some of the most shallow beings ever. Just look at their friend list and the women they follow on social media.

   So you feel used?? In order to feel used, somewhere in your mind you assured yourself that you were going to gain something.  What was that?? Because if you are just a naturally nice guy it should just be in your nature to do nice things, and to be a nice person. What you are admitting is that you put in effort to be nice for some type of reward. So you used your "Nice Guy" act to get something you never got.  Who's fault is this?? Certainly not the woman, she held her end of the situation, she was nice in return right?? What more did you want Mr. Nice Guy? Let's stop beating around the bush and be real with ourselves here. You and I both know you have fantasized and even pleasured yourself to the thoughts of your "Nice Guy Pay Out " with a little backpack to boot. When that didn't happen "Mr. Who I Really Am" came home.  In most of these cases women are very honest about their feelings and lack there of, but you keep showering her with gifts and attention hoping someday she has a change of heart, or shall we say hormones.

   See this whole thing is the equivalent to women who have sex with men in hopes of him having a change of heart. We take take take, any and everything knowing love will never be on the table. This friend zone thing would never be an issue with nice guys if women were built like them. What I mean by that is, men can have sex with a woman and have not an ounce of true intentions and or full attraction. Women not so much, we can't go there if we aren't feeling it. Truth is ,you would be okay if nice guys could have sex with her even if a full relationship is out of reach. But since all bets are off the table your ego can't deal. You used yourself to get something that is not your right. Thinking all you had to do was be the "Nice Guy" .

   Well mommy seen right through you kid, she knew you were being a good little boy just to get that toy you wanted. She knew just as soon as you had it in your possession the act would over .  Soon as you were bored with it you were gonna put your "Mr. Nice Guy" persona back on, and work on getting a new toy.  We are onto you "Mr.Nice Guy" and the gig is up.

  

Too Black To Be My Mothers Child

   So let's talk about it!! Let's talk about the first time the color of your skin was brought to your attention.  The first time you felt either too light or too dark.  That moment you were made to feel different than family members or friends. Now ask yourself this, "Who brought this to my attention? ". Nine times out of ten it was someone who's black that pointed this out. 

   Majority of black households brings the difference of skin color to the sureface  before a white person ever does . Black mother's and father's don't realize how they separate their children by color. They don't realize how they can make their child feel insignificant to their siblings, because one is a different complexion than the other. This ignorance can be very damaging. Most do it thinking it's a term of endearment.  Calling one child "My Chocolate Baby" and the other "My Pretty Red Baby" . I even know men who still go by their childhood nickname "Black Boy" to this day. Some think that by calling their darker daughters and son's "Chocolate"  will give them a boost of self esteem.  It will make them appreciate their skin tone as they grow up. Wanna know why this is the mindset of these parents?  Because they already know society will damage them for being a darker complexion.  They know the negativity they will face being darker skin. So I asked myself , why separate them by color in your home if you already know society will do the same thing. Calling them your "Chocolate Baby", then they meet the world that will make this very thing seem like a curse.  They will start to think well I was the "Chocolate one" that society looks over, thinks is less beautiful,  and my sister was the "Pretty Red One" and all images of the "Pretty Red " women are praised. So now do you see what you have done?? You destroyed your child before any white person could. I have been in hospitals with people and as soon as the baby pops out they are checking ears to see how light or dark the baby will be. Comments like he or she "So white " are thrown around the room.  I set there like "What are you doing??" . With black people like this, who needs white people.

   I grew up with a mother of a lighter complexion than I was. Before she had my sister I was the only child for seven years. My aunts were lighter than me, and my uncles.  But I never noticed this, because my family never made comments like "redbone", "yellowbone" . My mother had my sister, and my sister came out a lighter complexion than I was but, I never knew that, because to me she was just a black baby, because our mother is black, and our father is black.  I was just a black girl and my family was black, until the day my mother came to my class with my baby sister . I remember her walking in, and I'm excited because my mommy is here, and everyone gets to see my baby sister.  Everyone in the class was like "Oooo somebody mama here" and "Oooo that's a pretty baby.  I was like "That's my mama" the kids went puzzled . They were intrigued and I didn't understand why. They asked with excited disbelief "Tureka dat's yo mama foe real." , and I'm answering  excitedly confused "Yeaaa that's my mama". They went crazy over my sister. I didn't understand why they wouldn't believe this was my mother. This happened throughout my school years when my mother would come up to the school.  When my father would come there was no questions, no excitement.  I learned that I was too dark, to be my mother's daughter. I had never thought about it, never seen it with my eyes until someone else made me see it. Those kids , and the world, woke me up to something my mother nor my family ever made a subject. I was darker than them. All I had ever heard was I was pretty. I now know those kids came from families where skin color was talked about, labeled and separated. My mother and father have four kids, and they never called us by color. I am the darkest of my sisters and they never called me their "Chocolate Baby" . My brother is the darkest of all their kids and he was never "Black Boy" . To go even further I was always fat and my mother never called me her "Fat Baby". I love my mother and my family for being who they are and never being color struck.  It saved me from a lot of pain. I just knew I was pretty, and that's all they wanted me to know. Never told me I was "A pretty dark skin girl". Those kids where speaking foreign to me that day, but I learned the language fast. 

   Be mindful of your own prejudice.  Be mindful of what you are doing to your little girl or little boy. Just let them be your "Baby". Just let them be "Big Sis/Lil Sis" or "Big Bro/Lil Bro" that's the only thing that should separate them. Being a lighter or darker complexion, being bigger or smaller, should not be something brought to their attention in your home.  Don't be your own enemy and worst critic.  Just let them be black.

Thank you Lisa!!!💖💞💖💞💖

  

Do Black Girls Really Rock??

   So let's talk about it!!  I have watched Black Girls Rock every year since it begin back in 2010. I must say last night's show was different from any other shows. I don't know if I am the only one who could feel it but, emotions were high, and the messages were so very deep. Even the artist seemed to have put their souls into every word, and brought the atmosphere to a full circle.

    I commend the founder Beverly Bond, for stepping up and shining a light upon women of color. It is so necessary for us to be seen in a positive light. Social media has a field day at the black woman's expense everyday.  We suffer some of the most disgusting prejudice and down right hate from our own black men. Just like any other time, here comes the black woman to make it all better. If we didn't have us, I don't know what we would do.

   I was in the dark about the distaste black men had for black women for a long time . Sure, I knew a few that would date white women, and praise any other color but, black women. They aren't my concern nor a threat to me. The black men who despise black women, but yet bait, date and create with black women, are who I have a major problem with. It's pretty much like a job you hate, but you clock in because it pays the bills. You don't give your one hundred percent, and despise your boss for getting in your ass about it. Well we as black women have got to get tired of giving negros employee appreciation for half ass jobs. Giving half ass love, being half ass father's and half ass men. You do know one person can bring a whole company down. So don't risk the possibility of your life being in shambles. 

   The power that I witnessed in that room last night was amazing. If all black girls would rock together we could be a force that is so unbelievable.  But first we have to recognize what is happening in front of our eyes. We have to admit that the relationship between the black man and black woman is so volatile right now. The only time we get along is when it is sexual communication.  What has happen to us?? There are men that you can name right now, who will only comment on your post if you have turned them on with a sexy picture, or pissed them off with a post.  There is no in between anymore. Either it is communication the leads to the bedroom, or communication that could lead to the courtroom. We have got to address this and get back to love.

   So now that the annual Black Girls Rock show is over, and we have felt empowered and uplifted. We have posted about the outfits we liked, best performances and speeches. Are we gonna keep on rocking?? How do we keep on rocking?? Are we going to stop sharing post degrading and belittling our sisters??  Are you going to stop cosigning the bull shit we see on social media?? I urge all my sisters to take a minute to re-examine yourself and your contribution to the hate and distaste for your black sisters.  We can only rock together if we are all in unison.

What Do You Want Out Of Life?

  Sometimes I wish I wasn’t ambitious.  Like some women only goals are to have a man. Nothing wrong with that at all don’t get me wrong ,because that’s what she is satisfied with. I have so much more I want so my fight is harder and so frustrating. 

  This is one of the reasons I left my husband. True, I could have continued to live comfortable being a wife and mother apart this big happy picture, but those walls started to close in on me. We as women stick with unhappy situations far too long, because of pride and to save face.We feel like nothing else is out here so we live in misery . When we could have complete joy alone. If I’m not completely happy it’s not worth it (but that’s another story).

  I removed myself from a situation with not a penny to my name, a car or a plan B, and rent was due the next month. God started speaking reminding me of my gifts and dreams. We weren’t equally yolked. I have no desire to work work work and leave the remainder of an insurance policy for my son to live on for a few months. I want to leave him a legacy and something to live on for the rest of his life and his children. Romance, yea I can scroll through my contacts and choose who if I wanted, but there is more to my life than belonging to a man. We have to stop feeling like we aren’t complete without intimacy.